I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
