his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
