Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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