She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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