I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
