Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's Friday. Sex?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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