it hurts more in the daytime
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
