Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
