be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
