forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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