none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
