so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
