Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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