Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
