Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
