I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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