Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize