you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
