A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You work out of a Hotel?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
