seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize