I am puke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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