There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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