Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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