Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
