1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
