Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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