One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
