I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
