Umm I'm too high to move.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
