so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
