You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
