Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
