i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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