i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
