There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
