Whod you bang
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Couch. On fire.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
