i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
