So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
