I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I only lived at night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
