end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
