How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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