Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
