i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
