BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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