I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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