They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
