I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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