Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
