She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
