last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
