She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
