is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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