I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
