So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
