1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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