Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
