According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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