Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
