oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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