We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
