We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
