i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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