The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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