Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
