4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
